At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
