It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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