How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
dude i'm inner monologue high
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
