she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
