And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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