i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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