how can u be prego again
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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