He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
