moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
