please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
