just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
