Do you still have your period?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
