Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
