Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
