he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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