He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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