Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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