i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
