I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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