Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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