Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
