i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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