stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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