I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
