I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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