me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
