just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
