The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
