he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Can I color on your dick again?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
