I wish I only lived at night.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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