That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
