found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
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