"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
drinking out of a sandbucket again
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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