This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
