The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
