Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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