We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
