What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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