I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
