what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
