Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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