the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
