think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
