Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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