i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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