i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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