my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
