Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I think I died a long time ago.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
