I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
