does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
