you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
