Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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