Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
