I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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