my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
