We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
