What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
