May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
