Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
