It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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