God, you're like boner-b-gone
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i want to swaddle you in tequila
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
