Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
