I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize