And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
