Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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